Assume Nothing

As I am sure I have mentioned on numerous occasions my eldest son is a tad bit on the obsessive side when it comes to making sure that all surfaces are clear of papers. For years I have replaced things repeatedly only to have them reappear days after I have replaced them in some strange place, while searching for something completely different. Today was no the exception to this…

I have been searching my house, top to bottom, for a copy of my last transcript so that I could apply for a new position in a different area, but to no avail. Today after going to the university and purchasing not one but two transcripts only an hour later while searching for the location of some medication I found my transcript. It had been neatly tucked in the bottom drawer of my dresser along with a hammer, my comic books, my swimsuit, various computer programs, and my flash drive. This drawer is primarily used for summer shorts so I was a bit surprised to find these items tucked in there, but irony is a cruel mistress in my home.

I cannot wait for spring break. There is so much I need to do, not only then but also, before then. I need to pick up another copy of my last lost transcript. I say lost because my dear compulsive son does not believe in me ever leaving anything out where I can find it, so he stuffed it somewhere. Somewhere that he cannot remember as usual. I cannot even count the times that he has put something away and I have been able to find in only to replace it and find it months even years later. However, I need a copy of my transcript now, it is essential to applying for a new job. I would like to line up some job interviews before the end of the school year. I need something to look forward to these days.

In addition, there is the dire need for a new back door and the repair of the sliding glass in the older boys room. They managed to disassemble it, loose the pieces, and derail it. So there is no handle, it does not close, and I have a multitude of materials to block the air flow. Now I was going to hire the old friend to do the work, as I do not know an honest repairperson. However, I received as very manipulative email from him and it just pissed me off so much that I sent him one telling him how out of line he was and that I didn’t appreciate the manipulative tone of his email. I am so glad I never took him up on the offer to do free repairs around my house, he turned out to be one of the last people I would want owe a favor. Therefore, it looks as though I will spend a lot of money to get these chores done. Oh well…that is what I had been saving for anyway.

Speaking of pissed off, my darling daughter is pissed off at me because I will not watch her hyperactive boarder collie while she is visiting her father. I told her I would watch him if she went during my spring break or while I was out of work, but that he was too high maintenance to leave at home alone. He seriously is…. Well this sent her into a rage, and now I am a selfish bitch because she wants to go a week after my break, not during my break.

Oh well… just another day… hopefully tomorrow will be better. I am trying to stay optimistic.

My cat Zaphod Beeblebrox or Beebles as we affectionately call him is pissed at me. He has been upset with me ever since I brought another animal into my home nearly a year ago. As punishment, he hides from me most of the time, but I know he is still alive… I hear him snoring and smell him farting under my bed. Occasionally he growls or I hear his claws snagging the carpet and he hobbles through the house… he thinks he is Howard Hughes these days, long nails, nasty habits, and all. At least he has not started laying out tissue on all of the surfaces yet. Honestly, I would not put it past him. No more movies for Beebles… he can socialize like the rest of the animals.

Earlier today, okay later today but earlier than this evening, I heard yelling coming from upstairs. Not human yells cat yells. I asked my son what was going on in his room. He stopped what he was doing, walked into my room, and announced that two of the cats, Pye and Beebles were rough housing in his room and that they would not knock it off. Pye is over 13 years old and Beebles is about 10, so that was a sight that I wanted to witness. As soon as I started up the stairs, Beebles heard me and scuttled out of sight. Asshole! I swear that when I catch him, or corner him, that cat is getting those long ass nails clipped.

Is it just me or do most old men stink (Alvin excluded in this statement because he will never really be old) … as in farts and moldiness. I swear that lately all of the men that I have been around have this pungent odor of mold or poor hygiene. Now I have a pretty sensitive nose so this is why I ask. These are questions that old Howard Hughes living under my bed brings to mind. Oh hell maybe they do not know how to launder their clothes, or they need a toothbrush, and a healthy dose of Beano. So, explain the cat then.

I was called in to talk to my boss Friday and she told me that she was going to fire my aid, ms penguin. Now I have heard many promises from my bosses over the last couple of years, yet none of them came to fruition. After the stress of yet another crazy week I came home wanting nothing more than crawl up in a little ball and cry, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched a few shows from earlier in the week, groomed my dog, and then took my eldest to his Valentine’s dance.

Saturday morning I did not feel much better than I had the day before. I woke with a migraine, and had to take my daughter into downtown SA for her MRI. Why she could not drive herself, I am not sure, she was not being sedated, and it was an open MRI. I think she just wanted her Mommy. The receptionist told me she would be done in about 45 minutes. I picked up a magazine and tried to settle in for the wait.

Now I already had a migraine so the bass coming from the receptionist crap music was not a welcome sound. Then the receptionist got on the phone and loudly over the music, argued with her cable company. Now I had already put cotton in my ears, when I sat down, so you can imagine what volume this had to have been. After thirty minutes, I interrupted her personal call on company time and asked her to tell my daughter I was in the car. That MRI took two hours, my daughter had to sit perfectly still for two hours, I had to wait for two hours, mind you I still had a migraine.

Saturday evening I was supposed to have dinner with my old crush. He was making spaghetti and meatballs; I never turn down a free meal. Stop laughing Alvin I really do eat occasionally. Anyway, I canceled… not because I did not want to eat… but because I had a million reasons not to spend time with the first crush. I had a migraine, I was tired, I didn’t want to be on, I had doubts, I was going to be spending time with someone who wasn’t going to be honest with me or himself. I actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. I milled it over with a friend of mine who is a counselor, I talked again with the queen mother the one who had clued me in, I talked to my friend, and though we all agreed that this person needed someone, we also agreed that I had a full plate when it came to taking care of others.

His choice is something I cannot understand. I know it is a personal choice, but why would someone not choose to have an operation to have cancer removed when it was still operable? Why would someone put themselves and their family though years of watching them die a slow and painful death if there was something that could be done? Denial I understand, we have denial at one time or another, but denial about one’s health, well…. that I do not understand. A few years ago I watched someone very close to me die with the same condition, just because she did not want to have an operation that could have left her with a colostomy bag. She did however have treatment, just not the one that would have saved their life. I realize these are all personal choices and this one is none of my business, unless one is attempting to ingratiate themselves into my family’s lives. Yes, I feel crappy about my choice, but I also feel that in the long run it may be the right choice.

I was told today not to talk, not to expose my skin, not to put gloves on someone who was scratching the shit out of me… wtf? Heaven forbid I should restrict someone from hurting others or me for that matter. No, we cannot have that. This IS the final straw. I started filling out more job applications and have started counting down to June 2 or 3rd. Okay it is bad when one does not even know the exact day when they will be freed from slavery and torture.

On the other side of the fence, the police want my untrustworthy aid ms. penguin…. I do not even want to know what this is all about. However, when they call you at your place of employment and ask you for any information about her whereabouts, lets just say, it is not a good thing. I asked if this concerned one of her kids and was told no. Oh shit, what has she done this time? That is right I do not want to know… not my business, at least it wasn’t until the officer called me. I did what I had to do, told one of the bosses about the incident, and gave her the name and number of the inquiring officer; I will let them sort this out.

I would sit down and cry and moan to my friend about this, but there is someone so unappealing about a woman that bitches and moans all of the time, and I don’t want to be that person. Oh shit, I am that person. Okay perhaps I can share it here and that will suffice. After all, who are you going to tell, who gives a rat’s ass, right!

Okay so much for ending sentences with prepositions.

Lets see… what else has been going on. It seems the first crush his in denial. A few years ago he was diagnosed with an operable cancer he did nothing about, something he still has not shared. However, his mother and the queen mother have made sure that I am aware of his condition. Therefore, I did what someone like me would do; I asked point blank. He said he had it taken care of, however, he did tell me how, though he did not go through radiation, chemo, or surgery. Now I doubt very seriously that it just went away, cancer usually doesn’t go away on its own, it spreads. The queen mother warned me not to adopt him, and that he is in a heavy state of denial. I think that this topic is going to have to be broached again face to face. I think it is only fair I know what I am getting into before I decided if I want to get into it.

I suppose that sounds selfish… I never did deny that about my character.