Assume Nothing

My parents gave my daughter and I gel masks that one wears over their eyes to relax tired eyes. I put mine on and said; “Now my eyes will look refreshed, and I will look young again.” To which my father retorted with, “I think you need plastic surgery for that.” I told him that if he was offering to pay for it I would be more than happy to accept, but that the gel pack was all that I would ever be able to afford on a teacher’s salary.

My parents believed that that exchange in The Graduate when Mr. McGuire gave Benjamin advice.

Mr. McGuire: I want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire: Plastics.
Benjamin: Just how do you mean that, sir?

I doubt that Mr. McGuire was talking about plastic surgery, but when my parents saw the movie over and over, that was the “plastics, plastics surgery that is, that they took away from the meaning. Now I am not talking just the queen mother mind you, but my father has also bought into this hook line and sinker, bought into chasing youth, and running from the inevitable natural progression of what gravity does to our skin. Millions have been spent on creams, goob, food, vitamins, and multiple surgeries. (If I could have been gifted merely half of that money I would be mortgage free, living on easy street.) Interesting fact, my children and I are the only ones in our whole family, yes whole family who have yet to go under the knife for that glimmer for a few more years of tight skinned youth.

Okay you know I obsess, so this stupid ass exchange with my father has been running through my head for four days solid. Four days over; a stupid ass funny but true comment. Now how to get the money needed to shave 10 or 15 years off ones face. Then another conversation popped into my head…that could or could not be related depending on the answer to my next conversation.

It was yet another conversation with my father, which are memorable because he is a man of few words. However, this exchange took place a day later, in a different town, under different circumstances. “ Dad, I think when I retire the eldest and I are going to sell the house and move to either the coast or Arizona. It would be better for our health.” He reply was, “If you get a good enough price on the house I think you should rent someplace.” Now this from a realtor has me wondering why on earth he thinks I should rent rather than buy in six years time. Just as I was about to ask him why someone interrupted the conversation and I never had a chance to ask my why question. Now the answer to that could be because in 6 years, I could get a good enough price for my house to afford to take 10 to 15 years off my face and neck, or could I be so damn poor that I could not even afford the upkeep on a place. As it stands now this one alone on a single income is strapping me with repairs and HOA extra fees. Hell, if both the house and I need a facelift which would you choose yourself or the house?

I will get these and other questions answered on New Year day.

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